On a recent rerun of Semi-Homemade (subtitled: SEMI OUT OF HER FREAKING MIND), Sandra Lee created a “Denim & Diamonds” tablescape that will definitely go down in history as one of the most hideous things she’s ever done.
First, she hung a chandelier that was clearly made out of sequins from one of Dolly Parton’s old dresses. She then covered the table with cheap, smelly denim fabric and left the edges unhemmed to achieve that authentic, hillbilly look.
Next, she threw more tacky sequin strips all over the table. She then used replicas of J-Lo’s wedding ring as napkin holders.
Ohhhh, but Sandra Lee wasn’t finished yet. She bragged that she went “next door to the second hand shop” and bought “all these great jeans for next to nothing. Really, Sandra Lee? You live next door to a second hand shop? I’m SO sure.
And here’s where things got really scary: she CUT THE BACK POCKETS OUT OF THE JEANS AND USED THEM AS LITTLE POUCHES TO HOLD THE SILVERWARE.
WHY, GOD, WHY? Who the hell would want their silverware touching a denim product that some unidentified person spent the last 20 years farting on? I feel ill just thinking about it. Half of my vintage t-shirt collection is from the Salvation Army, and I know just how dirty those places can be. Those shirts don’t touch my body until they’re put through a stringent 4-wash cycle. Sandra Lee certainly didn’t go through all that trouble with her jeans. Think about all those germs! You might as well go lick a stranger’s ass crack.
This tablescape makes me want to vom. Even Reba McEntire would be appalled!
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